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Small Trenches

you said 'not yet',
and for a moment i thought you meant it;
that you would come back or i'd go find you.
i've dug a small trench for us to lie in.
we can embrace and wait for the rain to fall and become only bones.
sometimes i feel like i don't have a name,
my identity is gone, but these feelings haven't changed.
it's another shade of grey that will never
go away and i can say that it's changed me.
there's something that shakes inside me.
i see you when i'm sleeping drenched in reckless meaning.
i dream of dying before i crawl my way to my
feet and see i'm the same as i was yesterday.
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i remember days that dragged on like
months and emotions way less fleeting.
love is the dagger that stabbed me in the back.
you swore that you've never seen a more perfect sunset over
these midwestern hills, and i'm honored to break your heart.
our bodies stretched out like trees
trying to scare the red from the leaves.
this air we breathe swells inside me:
the only thing that's left still moving.
you wore the saddest shade of grey scattered
across the canvas no one expected you to paint.