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Plan B
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Rakin' The Dead
Yeah
Let me tell you a little something about where I live,
This is called Rakin' The Dead,
Im from a Place Called Forest Gate,
Forest gate is a place without a forest or a gate,
There probably used to be but Nowadays there ain't,
S*** loads of playing fields called Wanstead flats and man made lakes,
I know this boy called Craig three quarters my age,
He always used to go to the flats to play with his mates,
Til one day walking home from school on his lonesome Jays he stumbled across something strange on the open glade,
Now any normal person would know straight away That when you find that there on the open glade that it was a shallow grave,
But not Craig, See cause Craig is nieve plus he smokes weed everyday,
he thought there was money buried in that grave,
So he rushed home quick so he could tell all his mates,
he told them he found some disurbed Earth on the glade:
'I Think theres moeny buried there'
But they just laughed in his face
So the very next day Craig went over to Wanstead flats and showed the grave to his mates,
'See I told you I wern't Lying, now what do you say, lets dig this sh** up and see whats there to take'
'Okay' they both said to Craig
went to a nearby pub stole two pint glasses and a rake,
Went back to the glade like there was no time to waste,
Got on their hands and knees and started digging up the grave,
'Once upon a time there was a boy called Craig, Found a dead body on the flats with his mates' it didn't take Craig and his mates that long to dig up the grave,
Even With two pint glasses and a rake,
thats why they're called shallow graves, cause they're shallow,
'Hey Wait that looked like decomposed bone marrow on your rake'
'Whats that?' replied Craig
'Look Man on the rake, what the f**'s that looks like a T Bone steak'
'T Bone steak, No More like a lamb shank, errg Thats rank man get it out of my face'
Poor little Craig and his poor little mates,
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Went digging for treasure but what they found was a grave,
'Ahhh Look theres Maggots all over the place, i havn't felt this sick since i Saw that Film bad taste'
Craig and his mates were so disgusted they left the two pint glasses and the rake and dusted, Called the Police said
'Hi My names Craig i Just found a dead body over the Wanstead flats with my mates'
before you could say Blazin Squad again the police were on the scene doing forensics on the grave,
interveiwing Craig asking him
'What in gods name possesed you to digging up a bloody grave?'
'I Didn't know it was a grave' Said Craig 'didn't even cross my mind'
'So What Exactly did you expect to find?'Replied the police officer in such a suspecting way that Craig got scared and didn't know what to say,
he had a frog in his throat and he started to shake, he kept sweating so much drops of sweat were dripping of his face,
the policeman saw this as A perfect time for interrogation looked at craig and said:
'Right Im taking you down to the station'
'Once upon a time there was a boy called Craig, Found a dead body on the flats with his mates' 'Right state your name and where you live for the tape'
'My names Craig I Live in Forest gate'
'thats good thats really good no really you're doing great, now next question tell me how old are you mate?'
'17!? Core blimey, Don't look it still you must just be short for your age, all that ganja smoke couldn't have helped either though could it mate,'
'What?'
'Come on Craig i Wern't born yesterday, and by the looks of it Mate you've been smoking since you were 8, lets be honest if you were any shorter you'd be a midget mate, It must be hard to live with It must be hard to take, Its not you're fault you're short still no other c**t is gonna see it that way,'
'Im sorry officer i really don't know what you're trying to say'
'Im jusr saying you must get bullied everyday, thats why You killed that poor sod and put him in that grave -What!?- HE TOOK THE PISS OUT OF YOU DIDN'T HE CRAIG -Nooo Nooo- DIDN'T HE MATE'
'Once upon a time there was a boy called Craig, Found a dead body on the flats with his mates' Poor Craig what Could he say he was now a suspect in a F***ing full blown murder case,
tears were streaming down his face
'How much longerr is this going to takke please get me out of this place'
'I've done nothing wrong, i Only found the remains I didn't kill the guy i swear to god I'm Innocent ask my mates!'
the copper had him right where he wanted him ready to break the only thing was the murderer wasn't Craig,
And of course the copper knew this he was just playing games,
So When he saw that Craig had pissed himself he had to call it a day,
'Look i know you didn't kill the guy So Im Not going to do you for that - Oh thank god - But I am Going to do you for stealing that rake - What!? - Only pulling your leg Go on Scarper.'
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