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The London Theatre Orchestra and Cast
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Your Fault / Last Midnight
London Theatre Orchestra & Cast
Baker：It's because of you there's a giant in our midst and my wife is dead.
Jack：BUT IT ISN'T MY FAULT,
I WAS GIVEN THOSE BEANS!
YOU PERSUADED ME TO TRADE AWAY MY COW FOR BEANS!
AND WITHOUT THOSE BEANS
THERE'D HAVE BEEN NO STALK
TO GET UP TO THE GIANT'S
IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Baker: WAIT A MINUTE, MAGIC BEANS
FOR A COW SO OLD
THAT YOU HAD TO TELL
A LIE TO SELL IT
WHICH YOU TOLD!
WERE THEY WORTHLESS BEANS?
WERE THEY OVER SOLD OH AND TELL US WHO
PERSUADED YOU TO STEAL THAT GOLD
Little Red Ridinghood: (to JACK) SEE, IT'S YOUR FAULT
Jack: NO!
Baker: SO IT'S YOUR FAULT
Jack: NO!
Little Red Ridinghood: YES, IT IS!
Jack: IT'S NOT!
Baker: IT'S TRUE
Jack: (to BAKER) WAIT A MINUTE...
THOUGH I ONLY STOLE THE GOLD
TO GET MY COW BACK FROM YOU!
Little Red Ridinghood: (to BAKER) SO IT'S YOUR FAULT!
Jack: YES!
Baker: NO, IT ISN'T!
I'D HAVE KEPT THOSE BEANS,
BUT OUR HOUSE WAS CURSED
(referring to WITCH)
SHE MADE US GET A COW
TO GET THE CURSE RED!
Witch: IT'S HIS FATHER'S FAULT
THAT THE CURSE GOT PLACED
AND THE PLACE GOT CURSED
IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Little Red Ridinghood: OH, THEN
IT'S HIS FAULT!
Witch: SO
Cinderella: IT WAS HIS FAULT...
Jack: NO.
Baker: YES, IT IS.
IT'S HIS
Cinderella: I GUESS...
Jack: WAIT A MINUTE, THOUGH...
I CHOPPED DOWN THE BEANSTALK...
RIGHT, THAT'S CLEAR
BUT WITHOUT ANY BEANSTALK
THEN WHAT'S QUEER IS
HOW DID THE SECOND GIANT GET DOWN HERE
IN THE FIRST PLACE
(confused) SECOND PLACE...
Cinderella: YES!
Little Red Ridinghood: HOW
Baker: HMM...
Jack: WELL,
WHO HAD THE OTHER BEAN
Baker: THE OTHER BEAN
Cinderella: THE OTHER BEAN
Jack: (to BAKER) YOU POCKETED THE OTHER BEAN
Baker: I DIDN'T.
YES, I DID.
Little Red Ridinghood: SO, IT'S YOUR F...!
Baker: NO, IT ISN'T,
CAUSE I GAVE IT TO MY WIFE!
Little Red Ridinghood: SO, IT'S HER F...!
Baker: NO, IT ISN'T!!
Cinderella: THEN WHOSE IS IT
Baker: WAIT A MINUTE!
(to CINDERELLA) SHE EXCHANGED THAT BEAN
TO OBTAIN YOUR SHOE,
SO, THE ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE BEAN IS YOU!
Cinderella: YOU MEAN THAT OLD BEAN...
THAT YOUR WIFE...
OH DEAR...
(as they all look at her)
BUT I NEVER KNEW,
AND SO I THREW...
WELL, DON'T LOOK HERE!
Little Red Ridinghood: SO, IT'S YOUR FAULT!
Cinderella: BUT...
Jack: SEE, IT'S HER FAULT...
Cinderella: BUT...
Jack: AND IT ISN'T MINE AT ALL!
Baker: (to CINDERELLA) BUT WHAT
Cinderella: (to JACK) WELL, IF YOU HADN'T
GONE BACK UP AGAIN...
Jack: WE WERE NEEDY...
Cinderella: YOU WERE GREEDY!
DID YOU NEED THAT HEN
Jack: BUT I GOT IT FOR MY MOTHER...!
Little Red Ridinghood: SO, IT'S HER FAULT THEN!
Cinderella: YES, AND WHAT ABOUT THE HARP
IN THE THIRD PLACE
Baker: The Harp, yes!
Jack: (referring to LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD) SHE WENT AND DARED ME TO!
Little Red Ridinghood: I DARED YOU TO
Jack: YOU DARED ME TO!
(to OTHERS) SHE SAID THAT I WAS SCARED TO.
SHE DARED ME!
Little Red Ridinghood: NO, I DIDN'T!
Jack: SO, IT'S YOUR FAULT!
Little Red Ridinghood: WAIT A MINUTE...!
Cinderella: IF YOU HADN'T DARED HIM TO...
Baker: (to JACK) ...
AND IF YOU HAD LEFT THE HARP ALONE,
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WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS TROUBLE
IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Little Red Ridinghood: (to CINDERELLA, overlapping)
WELL, IF YOU HADN'T THROWN AWAY THE BEAN
IN THE FIRST PLACE...!
IT WAS YOUR FAULT!
Cinderella: (looking at WITCH) WELL, IF SHE HADN'T
RAISED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE...!
Jack: (overlapping, to WITCH) YES, IF YOU HADN'T RAISED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE...!
Little Red Ridinghood, Baker: (to WITCH) IT WAS YOU WHO RAISED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE...!
Cinderella: (simultaneous) YOU RAISED THE BEANS IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Jack: IT'S YOUR FAULT!
Little Red Ridinghood, Baker, Jack, Cinderella: YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE!
YOU'RE THE ONE TO BLAME!
IT'S YOUR FAULT!
(WITCH stops them in their tracks)
Witch: IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT.
IT'S THE LAST WISH
IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT.
SOON IT WILL BE BOOM...
(stamps her foot; drum)
SQUISH!
(squishes; squish sound.
confronting each in turn)
TOLD A LITTLE LIE,
STOLE A LITTLE GOLD,
BROKE A LITTLE VOW
DID YOU
HAD TO GET YOUR PRINCE,
HAD TO GET YOUR COW,
HAVE TO GET YOUR WISH,
DOESN'T MATTER HOW,
ANYWAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW!
IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT.
IT'S THE BOOM...
(drum)
SPLAT!
(splat sound)
NOTHING BUT A VAST MIDNIGHT
EVERYBODY SMASHED FLAT!
NOTHING WE CAN DO.
NOT EXACTLY TRUE;
WE CAN ALWAYS GIVE HER THE BOY!
(they protect JACK as she reaches for him)
NO
NO, OF COURSE WHAT REALLY MATTERS
IS THE BLAME,
SOMEBODY TO BLAME.
FINE IF THAT'S THE THING YOU ENJOY
PLACING THE BLAME
IF THAT'S THE AIM,
GIVE ME THE BLAME...
JUST GIVE ME THE BOY!
Little Red Ridinghood, Cinderella: No!
Witch: NO...
YOU'RE SO NICE
YOU'RE NOT GOOD,
YOU'RE NOT BAD,
YOU'RE JUST NICE.
I'M NOT GOOD
I'M NOT NICE
I'M JUST RIGHT!
I'M THE WITCH
YOU'RE THE WORLD.
I'M THE HITCH,
I'M WHAT NO ONE BELIEVES,
I'M A WITCH.
YOU'RE ALL LIARS AND THIEVES
LIKE HIS FATHER,
LIKE HIS SON WILL BE TOO...
OH, WHY BOTHER?
YOU'LL JUST DO WHAT YOU DO.
IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT.
SO, GOODBYE ALL.
COMING AT YOU FAST, MIDNIGHT...
SOON YOU'LL SEE THE SKY FALL.
(during the following verse the WITCH scatters beans as the others scramble to pick them up)
HERE, YOU WANT ANOTHER BEAN
HAVE ANOTHER BEAN.
BEANS WERE MADE FOR MAKING YOU RICH!
PLANT THEM AND THEY SOAR...
HERE, YOU WANT SOME MORE?
LISTEN TO THE ROAR;
GIANTS BY THE SCORE...!
OH WELL, YOU CAN BLAME ANOTHER WITCH.
IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT,
IT'S THE LAST .
NOW, BEFORE IT'S PAST MIDNIGHT,
I'M LEAVING YOU MY LAST CURSE;
I'M LEAVING YOU ALONE.
YOU CAN TEND THE GARDEN, IT'S YOURS.
SEPARATE AND ALONE,
EVERYBODY DOWN ON ALL FOURS.
ALRIGHT MOTHER, WHEN
LOST THE BEANS AGAIN!
PUNISH ME THE WAY YOU DID THEN!
GIVE ME CLAWS AND A HUNCH
JUST AWAY FROM THIS BUNCH
AND THE GLOOM
AND THE DOOM
AND THE BOOM
CRUNNNCH!
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